


pulling close whatever it takes to be with you

by Itisjustmyself



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, asexual!Luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 04:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1332679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itisjustmyself/pseuds/Itisjustmyself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke doesn’t remember the first time he fell in love with Ashton. He used to not understand it, but by now he knows for sure, because he gets this stupid tingly feeling whenever Ashton smiles at him and he blushes every single time they touch. He has to force himself to look away when they’re on stage, because his heart races and when they’re in the same room, he can’t even concentrate on anything else anymore. And really, it feels like this feeling has been there forever and he really doubts it’s ever going to disappear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	pulling close whatever it takes to be with you

**Author's Note:**

> So, I got into a new band. I like two members. And if you've known me a while, you know where that ends. Yes, I've ended up writing slash (at 7am in the morning).
> 
> Title credit goes to Heffron Drive with their song Parallel. 
> 
> If you want, listen to [this song ](https://a.tumblr.com/tumblr_n2ly9aQOLC1qds9hco1.mp3)while reading. Not only because it's gorgeous, but because I feel it fits the mood of all this quite nicely. 
> 
> Also I want to thank [Anna ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/dracoyoulittlepoofer)for being no help whatsoever and for hurting my feelings on a daily basis. Like I promised, this is dedicated to you.

_Luke doesn’t remember the first time he fell in love with Ashton. He used to not understand it, but by now he knows for sure, because he gets this stupid tingly feeling whenever Ashton smiles at him and he blushes every single time they touch. He has to force himself to look away when they’re on stage, because his heart races and when they’re in the same room, he can’t even concentrate on anything else anymore. And really, it feels like this feeling has been there forever and he really doubts it’s ever going to disappear. Sometimes he kind of wants to tell Ashton, but they’re nine years old and girls are icky and Valentine’s Day is stupid, and Luke doesn’t want to Ashton to laugh at him._

Luke still finds girls icky and thinks it’s gross when his parents kiss by the time Michael and Ashton start thinking about how cute girls are. Suddenly it’s all the two want to talk about, and Luke doesn’t get it. Girls are strange and icky and just scare him. But Calum is peculiarly quiet when they start on the topic, so Luke doesn’t worry too much about it. Maybe he’s just a late bloomer or something.

Everybody always tells him he’ll grow up and get it sometime, that he’ll love kissing and all that stuff, but he can’t really believe that. It sounds just gross. Why would you like to do that?

And also why would he even want to look at a girl, when he has Ashton? Bright, shining, wonderful Ashton is his best friend and really all he needs.

It’s around Valentine’s Day that the girls all suddenly start to smile strangely at them in the halls and blush whenever they look their way and Michael and Ashton are ecstatic and Calum is still quiet and Luke just doesn’t get it.

He receives one of those pink cards on the day and there are lipstick marks on it and he just wonders why you would kiss a piece of paper and then give it to somebody without putting your name on it. Like why go through all this trouble and then not even say who you are.

Ashton has received a card too, and there’s a name on his and it’s from Elisabeth, who is a tiny blonde girl that always wears pink and red dresses. Luke watches as Ashton goes over to her during break and presses a short kiss to her cheek. The girl blushes heavily and starts that strange giggling sound she does. Ashton grins before saying a few words to her and marching back to the other guys.

“She’s so into me.” He announces cockily, a huge smirk on his face.

Michael fist bumps him and Calum nods and Luke once again doesn’t get it.

What is so awesome about a girl liking you? They’re gross. Why would you want that?

And that’s when he notices Calum shyly smiling at a boy a few rows over and look down blushing when their gazes meet.

And suddenly he realizes that Calum may not like girls, but boys instead. But he likes somebody.

Luke can’t imagine liking someone like that.

It’s scary.

+++

_Luke doesn’t remember the first time he fell in love with Ashton. He used to not understand it, but by now he knows for sure, because he gets this stupid tingly feeling whenever Ashton smiles at him and he blushes every single time they touch. He has to force himself to look away when they’re on stage, because his heart races and when they’re in the same room, he can’t even concentrate on anything else anymore. And really, it feels like this feeling has been there forever and he really doubts it’s ever going to disappear. Sometimes he kind of wants to tell Ashton, but they’re twelve years old and girls are still icky to Ashton and boys are just stupid, and Luke doesn’t want to Ashton to laugh at him._

They’re having a sleepover at Calum’s house, all of them are spread out somewhere on the living room floor and Luke is beating Michael’s ass at some video game, when Ashton suddenly sits up.

“I kissed Jessica.”

Luke’s fingers slip over the buttons and Michael yells happily in victory as his friend dies a bloody death on screen. He notices Calum looking at the oldest of them. His face looks shocked and Ashton is all red, but still looks ridiculously proud. He’s the first of them to kiss anyone.

“So, spill. What’s it like?” Michael throws the game into a corner and scoots closer to Ashton. He’s recently been a bit crazy about girls.

“Well, a bit wet? But nice? I don’t know.” Ashton shrugs like it’s no big deal. And it probably shouldn’t be.

“Did you, you know, kiss her with tongue?” Michael presses on, eyes going wide.

“Michael!” Calum exclaims; his face scrunched up in disgust. “That’s so gross. I don’t need to hear that.”

Luke has to swallow down the relieved sigh; at least he’s not the only one to think so.

“Sure.” Michael laughs. “Don’t pretend you weren’t busy staring at Brandon when we were on the beach last week. You even managed to trip over your own feet because you couldn’t look away from his oh-so-amazing face.” He teases the usually cocky grin on his face. Even at this age Michael has perfected that grin that makes Luke want to hit it off his face sometimes. Ashton just laughs a bit and Luke rolls his eyes at his stupid friends.

“Ashton.” Calum whines. Michael is busy sending air kisses Calum’s way. And Ashton is always the one to intervene when the two of them are going at each other.

“God, Calum, you’re so hot.” He groans that stupid smirk still on his face.

“Ashton!”

Ashton sighs and shoots a warning look into Michael’s direction. “Shut up.” He tells him.

“And it’s not like I’m the one who gets the most attention from boys and girls around here.” Calum smirks, trying to look cool by raising a single eyebrow and failing majorly. But still, all three of them are suddenly looking at Luke and he feels way too hot suddenly.

Luke jumps up. “I’m just going to…. I’ll get something out of the fridge… something to eat. Or drink and yeah.” He stumbles towards the kitchen, leaning against the fridge and sighs. He tries to calm his breathing and presses his face against the cold steel surface of the fridge.

He doesn’t like that he gets so much attention from people. He doesn’t like that, even though he’s twelve, he’s still rather small and skinny and has that kind of baby face that both girls and boys seem to find cute somehow.

But mostly he doesn’t like that he just doesn’t get it.

Ashton is always busy chasing this blonde or that brunette. Jessica, a tiny red head that’s about as much of a goof as he is, is his newest target. Calum likes boys and he always has, he says. Girls just scare him a bit. And no, he hasn’t officially announced it yet, but he doesn’t have to, they all know anyways.

Michael is about as girl crazy as Ashton, just not as successful. Girls just aren’t into video games as much as he is.

And Luke? Well, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t like girls.

But he doesn’t like boys either, though.

He can recognize beauty. He can spend hours staring at Ashton. Burning, bright like the sun, so bright he can still see his image imprinted on his eyelids when he closes them. Ashton is gorgeous. With those curls and the strange eyes that are filled with millions of colors. Luke knows he’s really, really pretty.

But he just doesn’t think about what seems to have taken up the other three boy’s minds nowadays. He doesn’t want to kiss anybody. It seems gross to him. He doesn’t get it. He’s never really thought about kissing anybody, until it came up a few minutes ago, but something tells him the thought is not supposed to make you cringe and to feel sick.

But it does.

And honestly, that scares him.

+++

_Luke doesn’t remember the first time he fell in love with Ashton. He used to not understand it, but by now he knows for sure, because he gets this stupid tingly feeling whenever Ashton smiles at him and he blushes every single time they touch. He has to force himself to look away when they’re on stage, because his heart races and when they’re in the same room, he can’t even concentrate on anything else anymore. And really, it feels like this feeling has been there forever and he really doubts it’s ever going to disappear. Sometimes he kind of wants to tell Ashton, but they’re fifteen years old and he still hasn’t kissed anyone, much less wanted to, and Luke doesn’t want to Ashton to laugh at him._

Luke catches himself staring at Ashton way too often during shows. The lingering looks he gives the smaller boy have been caught on video way too often and their fans are starting to get suspicious. The problem with it is, that Luke has to turn around to actually look at Ashton while they’re on stage, and it’s just a bit awkward when the lead singer keeps looking the wrong way. So he stops himself every time he feels the need to stare at Ashton, concentrates on facing the front, playing his riffs and singing the lyrics that have by now been tattooed across his brain.

He still loves the music, still breathes it in every second of the day, except for when his breath is taken away by Ashton, then he feels like he is suffocating, drowning in the gorgeous boy. He watches the girls in the front rows, reads the posters, listens to the screams and ducks when a bra comes flying his way. But still all his mind is thinking of, once again, is Ashton.

“Fuck me against a wall until I can’t walk anymore!” He flinches as he hears an especially vulgar scream from the crowd. All those girls, and even some boys, a whole lot of them attracted to Ashton, they all want to kiss him and… Luke’s pretty sure he loves the blonde boy, so, why doesn’t he think about him the way their crazed fans do? Shouldn’t he be into all of this too? Shouldn’t he imagine being fucked against a wall? But the general concept still disgusts him. He’s watched porn, because it seems to be the thing teenage boys do, but just… yuck. His stomach still churns at the thought of it.

His attention switches onto Michael as the last chords of the song echo through the arena. The currently purple haired boy beams at the huge masses of people in front of them.

“Thank you for coming out tonight. We’ve been 5 Seconds of Summer. Thank you!” He yells into the microphone, before they launch into the last song of the night. Out of my limit has always been a crowd favorite and the guitar riffs are still something Luke needs to concentrate on, so for once his mind is pulled off Ashton and all involved into the music.

It’s even worse after shows, when Ashton runs around backstage, face flushed, hair messy and his shirt sticking to his body, because Luke knows that he should be thinking of it. Knows he shouldn’t admire the sparkle in his eyes, but be attracted to the outlines of the abs that are visible through the shirt. He should want to kiss him, should want to do it.

But he doesn’t.

And it still scares him.

A lot.

+++

_Luke doesn’t remember the first time he fell in love with Ashton. He used to not understand it, but by now he knows for sure, because he gets this stupid tingly feeling whenever Ashton smiles at him and he blushes every single time they touch. He has to force himself to look away when they’re on stage, because his heart races and when they’re in the same room, he can’t even concentrate on anything else anymore. And really, it feels like this feeling has been there forever and he really doubts it’s ever going to disappear. Sometimes he kind of wants to tell Ashton, but they’re eighteen years old and Luke is adored by millions of girls and quite some boys too, but he isn’t attracted to a single one of them, and Luke doesn’t want to Ashton to laugh at him._

It’s Friday night.

Luke falls back against the couch, jostling the huge bowl of popcorn in Ashton’s hands. Their feet end up tangled as he tries to find a comfortable position, Ashton shoves him slightly over when he accidentally digs his elbow into the other boy’s chest.

Calum has been forced to attend his sister’s ballet thing and Michael is on a date with that girl he’d been going out with a while now, so it’s up to Luke and Ashton to uphold the tradition of Movie Night Fridays with just half of the needed persons.

Luke’s heart flutters at the thought of spending an entire night all alone with Ashton. And he very well knows that it’s probably not the best to push his luck, because really Ashton’s been quite pissed recently since he figured out Luke won’t talk about that thing that’s been going on with him, but he leaves his legs right where they are, tangled up with Ashton’s even after he’s gotten comfortable. He doesn’t want to move them away.

Ashton shows no sign of emotion at the touch, he only leans back a bit as the previews end and the actual movie starts. Luke’s desperate for more contact, but there’s no exactly a way he can tell Ashton that without sounding like a total creep. So he doesn’t say anything and watches the movie.

Ashton has this thing for superhero movies and usually Luke doesn’t mind them, especially since the heroes are generally played by rather good looking guys. But tonight is one of those nights where he can’t think of anything but Ashton. If he’s honest they’re already halfway through the movie and he’s been so busy staring at the curly haired guy, he doesn’t even know whether they’re watching Superman or Captain America.

Luke doesn’t mean to keep looking, it’s just that it’s dark outside already, and the flashes from the tv flicker over Ashton’s face, giving Luke quick little snap shots of him, the shadows of his cheekbones, the flutter of his lashes when he blinks, the sharp intake of breath at something that happened on the screen and the sparkle in the colorful eyes when there’s something funny. And Luke just gets lost in the breath-taking, heart-breaking beauty that is Ashton.

Once the screen goes black, Ashton turns to look at him and Luke doesn’t know how to breathe anymore, because why are they so close suddenly? They must have scooted closer to each other during the movie, and now their shoulders are touching and Luke’s head on Ashton’s chest, so when they look at each other, their noses are nearly touching.

“I know you’re not like that, but you can touch me if you want.” Ashton whispers quietly. “I get that you don’t want to talk about it, but you kept almost jumping every time I reached for the popcorn.”

“I… I’m not… It’s not like…” Luke starts to stutter, because how is he supposed to explain this to Ashton.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want. Just… you’re driving me crazy with the staring. And I just wanted to tell you that it’s okay.” He shrugs and plays with the few left over pieces of popcorn in the bowl.

 Luke wants to talk about it, he needs to know what this means, needs to know if Ashton feels this too. But he’s scared of it, scared Ashton will laugh or make fun of him and so he just laces their fingers together and presses his nose into Ashton’s neck.

And Ashton lets him.

He wraps himself around Ashton, trying to mingle their bodies until there is no more way of telling where Luke ends and where Ashton begins.

And Ashton lets him.

They don’t talk about it.

They never do.

+++

_Luke doesn’t remember the first time he fell in love with Ashton. He used to not understand it, but by now he knows for sure, because he gets this stupid tingly feeling whenever Ashton smiles at him and he blushes every single time they touch. He has to force himself to look away when they’re on stage, because his heart races and when they’re in the same room, he can’t even concentrate on anything else anymore. And really, it feels like this feeling has been there forever and he really doubts it’s ever going to disappear. Sometimes he kind of wants to tell Ashton, but they’re twenty-one years old and Luke is sure that by now Ashton knows, and Luke knows Ashton won’t laugh at him._


End file.
